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Present: Anthony, Julia, John, Al

Left Durahm a bit late after waiting for another Fresher who eventually didn’t show up. Zipped down our trousers, no, the A1 actually, and found a blatantly pissed Al in Darlington who apparently not allowed for Ant’s car starting on time, and was still in a less than sober state by the time we got to Ripon. Found a nice cafe with opera playing in the background and rated as grade IV on Ant’s scale of British tearooms meaning it was very rewarding, but had a soft entrance climb. Drove to Stump Cross, presented our permit, and were told that we had to be out by 4:30pm. Bugger. So we followed the owners and suffered the invariable tragedy associated with off roading with very little clearance. Anthony’s car is now much more like a rally car than before, in volume at least. Went caving (finally) after changing in a ruined house. Once down the pitch caved for a bit, before we came across formations described as having grass skirts, Pina Coladas, and tropical beaches. Oh no, that’s Pen-y-ghent pot isn’t it. Anyway, thrashed our way past the herd of wild wildebeests, and expectantly gorgeous formations (except the formation that had formed in order to put novices off by making a pleasant cave rather moist with very little water. On through the puddle, there was, er, some more cave. By now it was getting late, and team – efficient at Stump Cross would soon be unable to negotiate their way, all of the 500m in the darkness to lock the door to the cave. Anthony and Jon continued in an obvious mined passage which ended in a pile of rocks, then went the right way and found some more cave, but I wasn’t there, so f**k knows. Meanwhile Al and Julia headed back to the disproportionately wet thrutch, still unpleasant, even when already wet. Sadly Al lost it (some time ago) and Anthony had to retrieve it whilst lying in (lazy git) lots of yummy cold water. Julia was Al’s slave whilst Ant and John got out. John progressed to Stump Cross where the inept staff caused annoyance once again by revealing they would lock the cave at a later stage. Quite how they were going to find it in the dark is a complete mystery. Anyway, we played at photography and to be fair to the center staff they did offer us the services of a torch which was fortunate, because we didn’t have any light sources, having just been potholing for 3 hours. Maybe the reputation of DUSA lights preceded us? We both freeclimbed the first half of the pitch (well ladder without line) then did the rest whilst the current author was else where With Julia prusiking out, then learning how to make an Alpine hitch, Al began climbing (at a guess) and maybe did something else noteworthy. Meanwhile, Anthony was busy exposing himself to the Dales. Then Al derigged then walked back at which point the group reunited, hooray for logical dialogue again! To summarise: top trip, very pretty (relatively anyhow) but a little painful on the knees. I hereby declare this write up finished (Thank God!)

ps. We’re now in a pub in Pately bridge, waiting to get rescued, because Ant’s car’s f**ked. Remember the quote “Ant’s got 2 coats so borrow mine!!” Well, what do you expect from Julia. I wonder if it is obvious that the current author is not in a good position with regards to writing a witty end but I however, being the wit champion of the universe, I am. THE END.

Julia Bradshaw, Anthony Day, John, Al Cook