Trip Date: Friday 25th September 2026.
Present: Jamie G., Joe C., Oliver B., Devon C.
Morning
Day 3 of Leader Training. For once Joe and I got woken up punishment free. James must be having a good day. Didn’t last long since someone turned the lights on and said we had to move hut! At least there was a classic DUSA breakfast for us.
Munch munch munch and then pack pack pack.
Off to the NPC we went. On arrival we set the trainee leader off to plan and pack for the up coming trip. The Lost Johns Centipede to Dome route was chosen.
Faff faff faff and pack pack pack.
Then a whole bunch more faffing (obviously these trainees aren’t quite ready to graduate).
The Drive
All four of us hopped in the car.
- Joe: Check
- Jamie: Check
- Devon: Check
- Oliver: Check
Broom broom the motor fired up and we were off. The tunes were on. Katy Perry was bouncing.
“Bear left” said the sat nav. We turned left.
‘The one that got away – Katy Perry’ starts playing.
The vocal cords are getting a work out now!
‘Break your heart (feat. Ludacris) – Taio Cruz’ starts playing.
“Hand break turn right” said the sat nav.
‘Club can’t handle me right now (feat. David Guetta)’ starts playing.
“Continue for 5 miles” said the satnav.
‘IDGAF – Dua Lipa’ starts playing.
‘Don’t start now – Dua Lipa’ starts playing.
It then gets skipped.
‘Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus’ starts playing.
‘Shake it off – Taylor Swift’. starts playing.
Automobile Matchmaking
Enter Janet, a red Royal Mail van and a blind corner.
The Volvo v50 skilfully manoeuvred around the blind bend. Pretty dry stone walls comfortably squishing us in. But STOP! We must pause this trip report for a program of ‘Automobile Matchmaking’.
On tonight’s episode, two middle-aged cars; one stunning stallion, a blue Volvo v50, and a battered but bright Royal Mail van. It’s their first date, let’s see how they get on.
Oh, they’re making moves, they’re leaning in for the kiss. And touch down!! Kiss and swerve.
Crash crash crash, smash smash smash.
The damage was done. Joe’s car was cooked. The front offside was crunched.
The windows roll down, and Joe looks guiltily up at Janet peering down from the great throne of the Royal Mail van drivers seat.
“I’m so sorry”
Joe whimpers.
(Joe’s interjection: It was not actually my fault, insurance ruled it 50/50 in the end. She was just a scary woman looking down at me – what else was I meant to say? I promise I’m still one of the better DUSA drivers)
Janet shakes her head – this isn’t her first rodeo.
“This corner’s a bad one”
she said with a wry smile.
Joe creeps the battered and bruised Volvo v50 forward, so he can inspect the modification. The noises the car produced in this moment reminded one of a squealing piglet.
We get out – it’s not looking good, the front offside of this car had seen better days. The headlight destroyed; the bodywork mashed in; and worst of all the wheel arch is cozied up against the tyre, meaning this car ain’t going nowhere. There will be no caving for us today.
Janet emerges from her bright red Royal Mail van and peers down at its newest customisation. She doesn’t look pleased.
Joe looks over at her, and she looks back. Their eyes meet and they start approaching each other. I thought it could end up becoming an enemies to friends situation but it doesn’t seem likely now. Janet whipped out her phone and instantly rang up the postie boss.
“Hey pat, I’ve got into an accident”
Joe instantly counteracted this move:
“I’ve just got into an accident”
he explained.
She tries to strike up convo with Jamie only to brutally shut him down with a hush motion. Ouch. We must be dealing with a professional. All around us was cows, broken head light and a farmer who didn’t look too pleased.
But wait! Another car was racing down the road. A small black thing. Rapidly approaching the scene. Was it going to stop?!
Backup Arrives
Phew, it narrowly avoided another accident breaking with plenty of time.
It was Charlotte and gang (the other half to our exchange). Their hopes of caving were slashed! James stepped out of the car, instantly admitting he didn’t want to do Lost Johns anyway. We all knew he was too scared but we kept quiet. Our beliefs were confirmed when he said the only option was for him to do Notts II.
Suddenly it all became rather quiet as Charlotte’s black Ka sped up the road and Janet sped down. Peace on the Yorkshire Moors.
Waiting waiting waiting.
Then all of a sudden we saw the roof of a swish subaru.
IT WAS TOM!!
He was here to rescue us from the roadside. Praise the lord! He took the corner the exact same way as Joe did. So if Postman Pat had been coming around the corner he would have ended up in the same situation. Joe is off the hook!
We loaded up into his car and set the satnav to Inglesport (by that I mean Tom’s mental satnav).
Broom broom broom.
We were finally set free from the scene.
Broom broom broom.
Hello Inglesport! It was officially food o’clock. Unfortunately, it was then bye bye Inglesport since their cafe was closed!!
Hello Village Kitchen! What a relief, they were open for business and ready to serve us some incredible scran. Legends.
I believe this is where I should end the trip report. But please if someone knows the correct rules for 3D naughts and crosses, please please please let us know!
Extra Reading:
The best way to describe this whole situation is by watching the video below. The roads are similar and there is a postal van too! Wow, couldn’t find a better representation if I tried.
Postman Pat: S01 E08 – Postman Pat’s Windy Day (1981)
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